Tall and lean. Works out but not for muscle. Keeps a clean eating schedule. Blue eyes, jet black hair. 6’3, about 200lb. Educated. Refused scholarships.

“I am sorry, sir, but you cannot return a book from over a week ago. Our policy clearly states that” the bookstore clerk pointed to the sheet of paper posted to the front of the register. Darius let out a long drawn breath, as if needing to concentrate on exactly what he was going to say to the clerk. Darius’s knuckles turned white, only relaxing to shove the book across the counter towards the cash register as he leaned into the clerk. “I understand your policy, sir. I have been a customer for longer than you have worked here, Probably longer than you have been alive. How was I supposed to know that there was pages missing from the book a week ago? Does anyone check to make sure that you are selling a book that’s not defective?” His eyes gleaming, almost daring the clerk to give him any reason to add him to his list. “Uh, I.. Let me get the manager..” the kid muttered back in reply, tripping over his words just as he tripped over his feet, disappearing into the back room of the store. Damn it, Darius thought. I need to keep it together better. The young clerk came back to the front within minutes followed by a beautiful woman that Darius recognized. He could pick her out of a crowd any day of the week- Her shinning auburn hair pulled back into a bun, a few stray hairs framing her face. Her deep brown eyes hiding behind a light pair of metal framed glasses. Always a well dressed thick frame- Darius guessed a size 8, curves any man could appreciate. Darius always imagined tucking that hair behind her ear behind before his fingers wrapped gently around her neck and squeezed. Feeling his nails dig into her skin… He shook his head, pushing away his thoughts. “Darius, What can I do for you today?” If only you knew the things you could do for me, Darius thought. He stood up straight, showing off his 6’3 well built frame as he buttoned the front of his coat. “Riley, I would like to return this book. There’s at least 8 pages missing that went unnoticed” Darius leered at the young clerk before turning his eyes to meet Riley’s chocolate brown eyes.

How to talk to Girls at Parties

In the short story, “How to Talk to Girls at Parties,” Vic and Enn venture for a party they were invited to by a girl named Alison. Vic and Enn end up at a different party, in which they both get more than they bargained from. The girls at the party that they meet are extraterrestrials. Although Vic learns quickly who the girls at the part really are, Enn our narrator meets three girls and does not realize they are aliens. Wain’s Wain, the gap toothed girl, and Triolet all give Enn clues about who they are and why they have come to Earth.


When Vic and Enn arrive to the party,Vic instantly pairs up  with the girl who answered the door, Stella. Enn is left to wonder the party. He makes his way to the kitchen to find a drink, before discovering Wain’s Wain in the conservatory. Vic encourages Enn to speak to Wain’s Wain slyly as Vic can see that Enn is nervous. Enn approaches the girl and asks her if she is from around here to which she replies by shaking her head no. She proceeds to tell Enn that he was sent to Earth by her progenitor to explore and tell of the impression she gets from her time on the planet. Wain speaks of his sisters being in “stasis” and how her people resemble butterflies. When she visited a carnival, she mistook humans that were dressed in costumes,”golden and tall and insect-eyed and winged,” for her own people. She was disappointed when they were not from her home planet. She asks Hola Cult “why they try so hard to look like us?” To which Hola Cult describes the humans as “all shades of pink and brown, and so small.” Enn does not question what Wain’s Wain has says, only asking her if she would like to dance. Wain’s Wain declines the dance because she cannot as she is already the property of someone else. Enn offers Wain’s Wain a drink instead and wonders back to the kitchen to retrieve one. When he returns to the girl with the drink, he finds that she has disappeared.


Enn finds the gap toothed girl after Wain’s Wain seems to have disappeared after he fetches a glass of water for Wain. The girl speaks of being a tourist; that the last tour was of the sun before coming to Earth. She described how much she enjoyed swimming with the whales, which leads her to directly ask Enn if he likes the world he is living in. He does not quite understand the loaded question from the girl as he only sees her gesturing to the basic items in the living room and not the world as a whole. The girl responds as if she doesn’t care much for his reply. She continues on express her disinterest in coming to this world. She was forced to become a “decaying lump of meat hanging on a frame of calcium.” The gap tooth girl even wishes for death as a human would have just to escape from Earth. Her parent teacher who sent her tells her she has much to learn from humans thus she is resolved to learn from the knowledge from humans as it is “in the meat” of humanity. The girl even wonders about why humans cry, “The thing with the liquid in the eyes, when the world blurs. Nobody told me, and I still do not understand.”  Enn makes a move on the girl, going to slide an arm around her, not acknowledging the deeps thoughts she confessed about travel, life, and death. He does not find a connection with the girl, however, says she is “nice enough” although she “wasn’t the prettiest girl” at the party. The conversation between Enn and the gap tooth girl progresses as if Enn was expecting the girl to be from another planet since he never truly grasps her confession of being extraterrestrial.

Vic calls Enn over to speak to him to let him know the party is different from the original party they were seeking. When Enn tries to return to the gap tooth girl, she is not easy to reach again as she becomes surrounded by people. Enn gives up and resigns to the kitchen where he is approached by a girl first. Triolet asks Enn for a drink and the conversation starts quickly between the pair. She tells Enn that she is a poem, as Enn’s mind is elsewhere as he gives her basic questions to acknowledge Triolet as he says they are just talking nonsense. Triolet explains that the poem of her people was to let the world they had visited before know who they were, what they wanted, and why they were there. She tells of how the poem had become part of other planets before, “part of the way that they thought” and how the poem “inherited them and it inhabited them”  As Triolet tells Enn this poem, the music becomes familiar and Enn finds himself understanding her clearer while wanting to hear more of what she has to say. As Enn began to fall into a trance from her poem, Vic comes down from upstairs and pulls Enn away from Triolet. She says she is “not finished. There is yet more of me,” but Vic refuses to let Enn stay. Vic grabs Enn’s arm and pulls him out of the house, away from the party. Vic tells Enn that Stella was not who he thought she was. “She wasn’t a–” Vic told Enn as Vic put distance between them and the house now.

Enn has low confidence and does not notice the aliens explaining why they have landed on Earth. Instead, he is more worried about putting an arm around the girls or asking them to dance. Vic, however, learns of that the girls at the party are aliens thus taking Enn and leaving the party. Wain’s Wain is sent to gather an impression about Earth, the gap toothed girl is  sent to learn as much knowledge as she can from the meat, and Triolet is to spread the poem of her people.





A day like no other.

When you are younger, fear is often taught by the monsters you typically run into hiding under the bed or that go bump in closet. Those monsters can be repelled with “monster spray” or just a simple night light turning on in your time of need. Life was never simple, but when I learned the true definition of what a monster was, my whole life became complex. There was a pivotal tragedy that became a dividing point in my life. March 5th, 2001 became a day that would act as many see the B.C and the A.D function. There was a new era upon us. I had never expected such a monster to rear his ugly head and destroy what little world I had left.  Some how, fifth teen years later, what happened on that campus still poisons my life.

I still remember many things and yet so few all at once. As time goes on, I feel the sands slipping regrettably through my grasp. What I do remember is as clear as it was to me fifth teen years ago. I remember the words “Randy’s dead” coming from my step father as my brother and I were pulled into our Jr High’s office then managing to make it to our old blue van some how while Pastor Phil drove us home. I can’t say I remember going to school the next day, but I still feel the reasoning of why. At that point in time, it wasn’t about me. It was making a stand so other’s could see we needed to be strong. I can hear The Hunt of the Red October theme coming through the speakers as we held ourselves together while watching pictures of Randy’s sweet smile come through the projector during his funeral at Sonrise. Every single picture showed his charisma and sweet spirit as we weep for our loss; for his loss. I remember feeling my heart squeeze in my chest when I saw the helicopter footage of my brother’s lifeless body on campus on national television as if he was a spectacle in an amusement park. I remember the media not only hounding us as if we were puppets in a show but publishing whatever they felt fit to print out to the world. I remember being at Sears having no will power to choose clothing to wear to a funeral I still did not want to believe was going to happen. I remember feeling the different samples of what would mark the last place Randy would be laid to rest. The smell of the tiny building where the viewing took place will never escape my nose. Randy’s cold hands and bruised face will never be untouched or unseen. I had a silver necklace with a charm of a cat curled up that I placed on his jacket. There was nothing else I could do to keep a part of me with him. I begged him to wake up, he was going to get up and it was all a joke, right? If I had not seen him, I am not sure I could have ever believed or accepted what I was being told. You mean he went to school and this happened? I remember the house having the smell of star gazer lilies and platters of food that often went untouched. We appreciated it, I just don’t think we really knew what to do for a while. I remember having a feeling of relearning everything; I never saw the world in the same light again. I remember the long court case even though it seemed to be so obvious what had happened. I remember seeing the defeated faces of so many in our community. We were all at a loss of what had happened to us. There was nothing to hold into to give explanation or to make us understand the void that had been made.

I remember running to the back door at my home the morning everything happened. I wanted to tell Randy thank you again for giving me movie passes the weekend before. He was already out the door and going through the back gate, heading to school. I remember never being able to say good bye to him. My heart hurts just as much today as it did fifth teen years ago. You can only try to learn to work around that deep cut, that feeling that cannot be told unless you’ve felt it. I often dream of what happened. I try so hard to catch Randy and save him. I fail every single time. I beg him to stay, I plead to trade my life for his. “Randy, please, don’t leave us!!” His blood is on my hands as I hold onto him as hard as I can. I look straight into his eyes to see the life slipping away from him. Every time I wake up, he is gone all over again. No one’s last minutes should be spent so violently, so scared.  I struggle all year long in dealing with the demons that the shooting has left behind. There’s no place safe. I worry about my brother, Michael, day and night. Non-threatening people walking by even makes me anxious. I learn where all the exits are. I build walls that keep people away, if those walls don’t work, I usually push them away anyways. All of this though.. All of my pain and what continues to storm through my life, none of it even compares to what Randy lost. I can’t send him letters where he is. I can’t tell him when I have discovered the newest “best” cheesecake. I won’t know what his children would have looked like. He never got to apply to the FBI academy. He never had a chance.

Some people have already forgotten about the events that day; Many don’t even know that day means anything to anyone. For some of us, March 5th is a day that is always with us. I suppose that I have been at a loss of words the last few days because I really had too many to say. My mind is full of connections that all seem to want function at the same time. I still learn every day how to live with happened, but I know I am not alone. Not every day is this hard, however, the pain is never going to go away.

All I know is that I never want Randy to be forgotten. I will never let go of him. Bryan either. Everyone hurt from that day has a special place in my heart, the whole community does. I just can’t say all things happen for a reason because they don’t. Honestly, I can’t say he’s a better place either. He is in my heart every day though and that’s something I will never give up. I have been to some seriously dark depths and have thousands of thoughts, but I choose to see the light. I have learned how some things are so trivial and every minute I have makes me a lucky a person to be here.  I choose to be a better person. If other people had made the same choice, I probably wouldn’t be writing this blog and you would probably be watching another cat video. Please, take care of yourself and each other. At the end of the day, who you have and love is all that really matters.



I am lucky to be living, but not lucky enough to be alive.

If there is anything I have learned in life.. I am happy to be so nonjudgmental. I may say what is on my mind and have been called a bitch for it.. But at the end of the day, I am lucky to have an open heart and to be able to open myself to be there for anyone who needs a hand. Not many people can understand why a drug user uses, a suicidal person feels that way, how a cutter could do that to his/herself.. I can. I have seen how low a person can feel; I often feel that way myself. A feeling so low.. Just looking for something to make you feel anything at the point. To feel control even.. To be able to know you are alive. The feeling just goes beyond the depression, the basic depression someone thinks of. When your body aches simply from waking up.. When your chest feels like a deep dark hole yet has such a rush of anxiety, There’s a feeling yet.. no feeling at all. Wake up, try to eat.. Try to care about myself. Try to make eye contact with myself. Pretend to be ok. Go through the motions… Be human as expected.  Can’t sleep.. then can’t get out of bed. Holding onto memories, the few good memories. I have blacked out a lot of my life… Even those good memories seem to be slipping quicker through my hands every single minute. I think the main reason why I am here still is.. well, I love my brother. Beyond living, I am not sure how I can save my soul. I keep trying to find my home..

Should there not be more to life than this? Wake up and do everything society tells us to do. I just want to find a new lake to throw a rock in. I want to find a tree to climb in the rain.I want to see the east coast.. I want to move and be free. Money controls everything though. I am lucky to be living. but not lucky enough to be alive.



She leaned against with one foot flat against the back of the cart port. The air was chilled and the moon was full among the stars. Riley dug her leather boot into the dirt ground to get more comfortable as she tilted her head to touch the wall, her long bronze braid sliding off her shoulder. “Anytime now, Flue” she muttered in slight irritation as she tucked one hand into her leather vest while the other hand held onto her loaded crossbow. Most of Riley’s time was waiting.. Patience. She thought she would have perfected that by now, but she still did not like waiting for so long. Especially in the cold on a Saturday out in the middle of no where. Riley straightened slightly when she heard feet crushing leaves and twigs not far ahead of the car port where she was tucked away. “There he is” Riley said softly under a smile as she leaned down to stay out of sight. She crept towards the sounds being aware of keeping her own noise level down while taking cover between the two black cars parked beside her. “You will be young forever and you can always be mine,” Flue whispered to a tall blonde girl who hung lazily onto his elbow. Flue was larger than Riley’s slender five foot, three inch frame. Flue had to be about six feet tall and looked like he had a gym membership. Riley was not concerned about Flue’s height since she knew he had much greater powers than that. “Don’t ever leave me. I am so in love with you, Chris!” the blonde said to Flue as she hugged him tightly. “You don’t even use your real name? That seems a little too smart for someone like you, Flue” Riley broke in while standing between the couple’s path and the door to Flue’s home. “Ah, damnit! I was just having some good old fashion fun! Who sent you?” Flue demanded. “Who cares? You are still breaking the rules, again, no matter how many times you have been told ‘No,No.'” Riley pointed out. Flue’s true features started to show. His smooth black hair began to turn blonde and knotted. His ears became longer and pointy as his nose grew two sizes. Riley was making Flue defensive. “Anyone who can send in a child to get me is simply despicable,” Flue spat at Riley. “But Chris, what about us?… You look, you look..” the blonde whimpered with shock in her voice. “Do not tell me what I look like, I already know!!” Flue growled at her. He grabbed the blonde’s arm and threw her to the ground. All of Flue’s nasty, true fairy features were showing and the poor girl could do nothing but whimper. “Damn! Flue, You KNOW you cannot hurt humans!” Riley exclaimed as she moved herself between the girl and Flue, protectively. Flue’s nails grew to long claws and his teeth turned into razor sharp daggers as he prepared to pounce on Riley. “Trust me. You don’t want to put up a fight, fairy” Riley dared as she held quick onto her crossbow. “Oh Child, You will taste delicious for dinner!” Flue bragged as he lunged towards Riley. Riley grabbed the girl to move out of the way. “Just leave the girl and I’ll let you go, little one” Flue claimed. “In your dreams,” Riley said as she sunk an arrow into Flue’s right forearm. Flue groaned as he reached to pull out the arrow. Flue’s eyes rolled as his body slack. He was passed out from sleep powder on the arrow’s end before he even hit the ground. Riley picked her cell phone out of her jean pocket and pushed a button. “All clear” Riley spoke into the phone before sliding the phone back into her jeans. “Come on, blondie, let’s get you cleaned up” Riley offered a hand to the girl still laying on the ground, bleeding slightly from her ears and legs. “What? Okay, I am a little lost.” the blonde murmured. Riley helped the girl stand onto her feet, then began giving her support to walk. Riley noticed how beautiful the girl really was, but she figured she might be a little shallow. She did fall for an fairy after all. “My name is Riley, by the way. Let’s get to my car down the street.” Riley still felt bad for the girl. She had been under enough spells that she bleeding from her ears and confused now that the spells had been broken by the same powder that put Flue to sleep. “Who are you? My name is Eve, Eve Bell. I am not sure how I got here…” Eve replied softly with a sense of terror in her eyes. “We will help you. I just need you to trust me, Okay?” Riley asked as she helped Eve get into the car before climbing into the driver’s seat. “You have a really nice car. What are you, like fourteen?” Eve babbled. “I am eight teen, blondie. Thank you though, I like the car, too.” Riley chuckled. Riley already liked Eve for some reason and really wanted to help her recover. She pulled the car away from the curb onto the familiar streets that would lead her home. “Riley?” Eve said weakly. “Yeah?” Riley replied wondering what was going on in Eve’s head. “No more of that funny fairy business, please.” Eve asked as she fell asleep in the passenger seat. “I don’t make any promises, blondie” Riley beamed as she drove to home base.


    “Breathe” I told myself quietly. I was overwhelmed with the groans and breathing that seemed to surround me as I walked quickly down my old breeze way of the school. I graduated years ago, but couldn’t forget the hall ways of my high school. The groaning grew louder and I could hear the feet scrapping along the ground. I did the first thing I could think of. I found a locker and shoved myself inside. I pushed against my back pack my to have to better room. “High school all over again,” I thought to myself, “being shoved into a locker by the undead.” I had to guess there was about seven of them outside the locker. I could get out, but that wouldn’t be easy. I took a deep breathe as I held quick on to my machete with my right hand while my left hand was ready to bust out of the locker. I closed my eyes ready to go just as I heard the emergency door open to my left, not far away from my  hiding spot. “Hello?” a voice called out. The walkers groaned and became vicious. I pushed the locker door open as I replied “I’m here!!” Just in time to see the multiple decaying faces looking right back at me.